A Messed Up Day in Central
by SlutcliffInYourPants
Summary: One day, Ed and Al were walking down a sidewalk in Central. And then... Well, you'll have to read it to find out. Warning: If you are unable to deal with severe immaturity, this fic is not for you.


Okay. If any of you actually find enjoyment in this, I will give you so many virtual cookies, that the button on your virtual pants will pop off. Okay? Okay.

I do not own FMA. But, I just so happen to own the messed up mind I used to create this.

Enjoy. (Or at least try to ;*)

One bright, sunny day in Central, Edward and Alphonse Elric were walking down one of the many sidewalks, until they came across a stray kitten licking it's own penis. Al picked the kitten up and stared at it for a moment.

"Ew, kitty! Don't lick that! You'll give yourself herpes!" Al cried, worried about the kitten's health.

"Oh, don't worry Al. That kitten probably has enough diseases to out-number the amount of women that Mustang has slept with!"

Al giggled and put the kitten down, watching as it began to lick itself again.

Edward continued on down the sidewalk, walking slowly so that Al could catch up. Al finished up with the kitten and finally caught up to his older brother.

"Hey, brother? Can I ask you something? It's been bothering me for a while now..." asked Al, sounding nervous.

"Of course, Al. What is it?"

"...Did Lust's balls drop yet?" asked Al.

"Well, duh! They dropped like a heavy load of shit!" cried Ed, laughing.

"Oh, thank goodness!" said Al, scratching his ass.

And with that, Ed and Al continued down the sidewalk, grinning ear to ear. As they walked, Ed hummed to himself while Al scoped out the area, looking for more stray kittens.

Eventually, the two brothers came to the end of the sidewalk. The stopped and looked around, until they heard what sounded like a man giving birth to another man.

Al whispered to Ed. "Brother, what do you think that noise is? It's scary!"

"I don't know, Al. Why don't we go check it out?" asked Ed, walking in the direction of the sexual man noises.

Al followed behind quickly, watching Ed's ass as they walked. 'Damn, that ass is fine.' Al thought to himself as they got closer and closer to what they looking for.

Finally, they arrived at their destination, only to find Olivier Armstrong and Greed-Ling in the middle of a heated make out session on top of a picnic table. Ed and Al stood there in complete shock, staring as Olivier started ripping Greed's pants off.

When Greed's pants came off, Olivier shrieked and ran away because TADA! Greed has genital herpes.

"He must've gotten it from the kitten.." muttered Ed.

Al started laughing and turned around, but what he saw was mentally scarring.

Right behind the Elrics, stood a big... Fat... Naked... Roy Mustang.

Mustang started thrusting his hips at the boys, yelling "BATSHIT CRAY CRAY" over and over while his penal regions flew all over the place.

Ed turned around, saw Mustang, and grabbed Al, running off to find somewhere safe from the sexual fiends that inhabited Central.

As they ran further away, they came closer to a forest. They kept running all the way to the heart of the forest, until they came across a house as tiny as Hawkeye's penis.

They cautiously approached the house, listening for anymore man birthing. But what they heard was even worse than man birthage. They heard...

...

...

..

.

Envy and Armstrong having buttsex in the backyard.

SO THEN, ED AND AL WERE ALL LIKE "DAFUQ IS THIS SHIT" AND RAN INTO THE BACKYARD TO SEE WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING DOWN. (Besides Envy's ass going down on Armstrong's flexible penis, of course.)

WHEN THEY GOT THERE, THEY BOTH STARTED VOMITING UP ALL OF THE BITCHES THAT GREED HAD BANGED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS AND DAYUM, THAT IS ALOT OF BITCHES.

SO THEN ED AND AL GRABBED ALL OF THE BITCHES AND STARTED THROWING THEM AT THE SEXING ENVY AND ARMSTRONG. THE BITCHES BOUNCED OFF OF THE SEXING COUPLE AND LANDED IN THE TREES, MAKING THEM LOOK LIKE VICTIMS OF THE SLENDERMAN.

THEN ED AND AL RAN FOR THE HILLS, SINGING SOME KIND OF UNKNOWN OPERA.

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER, THE ELRICS CAME ACROSS THE SACRED VAGINA THAT HAD BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS. THE BOYS SNATCHED THE SACRED VAGINA AND RAN BACK TO MUSTANG, WHO IN TURN CHANGED THE VAGINA INTO THE ALMIGHTY VAGENIS. FROM THEN ON, EVERYONE IN CENTRAL PRACTICED THE RELIGION OF VAGENIISM. AND THEY WILL FOREVER BOW DOWN TO THE HOLY PENIS AND THE SACRED VAGINA.

And then Riza got her granny panties in a bunch because Havoc and Black Hayate started having dinner inside of Gluttony's stomach every Tuesday evening around 6pm.

The end.

A/N: *bows* Thank you to the small amount of people who actually enjoyed this. Clearly, I have nothing better to spend my time on than wasting all of you guys' time. :D


End file.
